Take a moment to think about one of the special moments that brought you joy this summer. Were you able to be fully in the moment, or did worrisome thoughts pop into your mind? Researcher and author Brene Brown calls it “foreboding joy” when heavy thoughts crowd our joy.
While you would think special times would bring pure happiness, Brown explains that it can also lead to negative thoughts. She says that you may experience a sense of dread that something bad will happen to interrupt the goodness.
It is a way to protect yourself from hurting so much if a tragedy strikes. It happens subconsciously, so we do not understand why we feel uneasy at a time when we think we should feel joy.
Let’s look at the issue of foreboding joy so we can embrace the happy times more fully.
A Tender Emotion
Joy is a vulnerable emotion. It opens your heart and makes you realize what is precious to you. This knowledge reminds you of what you have to lose. Fear of tragedy may flood your thoughts and you may think of the worst-case scenario. Brown calls this “rehearsing tragedy.”
She explains that we do this to dull the joy we feel so that it will prevent how much a tragedy would hurt. The subconscious thought is that you won’t feel pain as intensely if you don't feel joy. However, this “emotional armor” does not prevent pain, it just robs you of joy.
What to Do
According to Brown, practicing gratitude is a great alternative to bracing yourself for disaster. So, when you feel something beautiful, lean into it. Think about how grateful you are to know the person or have the experience.
Brown says that “there is no joy without gratitude.” Her research taught her about the importance of establishing a gratitude practice. She expected to find that joy led to gratitude, but discovered it was the other way around.
Developing a Gratitude Practice
A practice of gratitude is developing habits that help you focus on things you are thankful for. You get more benefit from focusing on small things you are really thankful for than from pretending you are grateful for larger things you feel you should be thankful for.
- Meditate on things you are grateful for each morning for 5 minutes.
- Help someone who doesn’t have the advantages you do.
- Find something to look forward to each week.
- Think about someone who has influenced your life and write them a letter.
- Pray to express thankfulness for the good things in your life.
- Choose one word that makes you feel gratitude (hope, life, family, friends, health, etc.). Write the word down and think about it throughout the day.
- Listen to a song you enjoy and take time to appreciate it.
- Practice mindful eating to appreciate the gift of food.
- Create a gratitude journal.
- For more ideas check out 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.
If you start to feel like you are doing your gratitude practice to check it off your to-do list, it may be time to switch up your gratitude practice.
We know things will not stay the same; what we enjoy may not last forever. However, there’s no need to feel the loss ahead of time. Embrace the moment and risk feeling joy.
Dr. Jamie
*Photo credit: Becci Hethcoat Photography